When I was seventeen...

Things were easier to deal with. The worst things in the world didn't happen. They didn't happen to anyone I knew. What changes? I have so much to do. I had done so little at that time. I needed someone then. I have always been concerned. Paranoid of what could happen. I lost out on a lot of living. I saved myself though. I made it through. I have been trying to overcome those fears. I'm not so sure I should. That anxiety has kept me alive. If I let my guard done I will be exchanging a "fuller life" for security. That safety isn't infinite. It just reduces the liklihood or pain.

So what if those things happen? What do I do? The same concerns that I have always had may change. Maybe the drive for the prize may lose some of its significance. I've never really valued my family as I should have or I'm not capable of doing so based on family dynamic and personality disorders.

Try. Try. Try to separate them. Its an illusion.
The conclusion I come to is that your worst fears are possible. They are just a frightening phone call away. Your fears can confront you when you are wide awake. You stare directly at your fear with a puzzled affectless expression on your face. I don't even know what the proper protocal is. I assume you just sprint into action and never stop until the numbness subsides and you forget the past. Only for a moment though. Emotional pain will be with you forever. You could be in line at the grocery store and memories rush in. You could be tortured in you dreams taking away the peaceful rest.