"The tragedy, the true catastrophe, is that humanity continues”

Why? Why the fuck do I need to see this movie.
I just don't know what exactly is good or bad. Initially I'm repulsed by the very idea of a movie version of a tragic event. I have a problem even looking at the cover of the movie. I see that plane everywhere. Everytime a plane flies too low, my eyes are trained on it. I work near Logan airport and I see hundreds of planes a week, yet I still have anxiety when I see "that plane." It's that plane that flies a little too low and flies at a slight angle. I saw a plane that looked just like it on I-90 going towards Boston, it looked like it was heading right for the Prudential building. My heart skipped a beat and my car slowed down. For that reason and many more I don't need to see this movie.

Why was this movie even made is the question that I really had. When I went to see "V for Vendetta" I saw the preview for "United 93" for the first time. I was disgusted. I really don't see a reason for a movie based on those events to be made on a for profit basis. I could tolerate and encourage a documentary for TV to be made. Why a theatrical movie. Why would you want to disrupt memories of the those events with a pantomime performance that is based on scattered audio and cell phone transcripts.

I think it's an egregious exploitation of people's emotions on a very tragic event. The fact is that people will be getting overwhelmed watching this movie. It isn't because it was a well written script that happened to play ones heartstrings so effectly that it produced emotion. The fact that the movie is based on real events that we all saw play out on television and internet news websites is what makes this movie so capable of inducing anger, fear, and sorrow. It's home is not a movie theater with the likes of "Scary Movie 4." The kind of movie that I can think of that produce emotion based on good writing would be your "Old Yeller" or "My Girl." These stories, while somewhat lame choices, are examples of writers and directors having the synergy to create an effective film.

According to Rotten Tomatoes, a film review and information web site, 93% of the reviewers gave United 93 a positive review. The coincidence is noted but unimportant. I'm frankly shocked to know that so many reviews would give this movie a positive review. Though a handful did make reference to Hollywood being "shameless" or distasteful it was not quite enough in my opinion. Some of the more trite and tired review quotes:

"we needed this movie" - Kevin Carr, 7M pictures

Fuck off. Don't speak for me. You know not what I need, nor the aching minds of many
others.

"Not since Bowling for Columbine has a movie left me so shaken up or so close to tears; that alone is a testament to Greengrass' achievement."-- Edward Douglas, COMINGSOON.NET

Effectively providing evidence for my point that real life trauma is an easier sell for
emotions. Though the point is that Greengrass' achievement has not a fucking thing to do
with Mr. Douglas being shaken.

A particularly stunning artifact is the overwhelming support of this movie by Republicans and war hawks. I don't get it. Shove your fucking "Never Forget." right up your square asshole. Please. I'm so tired of this. Look, there must be people in agreement with me on this. I hope. I know what I saw on September 11th and many days afterwards. I saw close to three thousand people die in a terrorist attack. I saw images of heroes everywhere. I saw people like myself, cowards maybe, willing to only give money to the red cross. I saw people jumping to their certain death from hundreds of feet in the air. Why do I need these things to be trivialized in a movie. I understand the movie is primarily about the one flight United 93. I also understand that that's bullshit and the other events on September 11th are not mutually exclusive. I can understand why other people might want to watch it, but I wish that option wasn't there.

By the by, Universal Pictures donating a measly 10 percent of the first three days gross is a fucking farce. To give it only to the United 93 folks is terribly suspect as well. There are times when I don't have any faith in people.

If you want to read the transcripts from the flight recorder they can be found here from the Smoking Gun.

The Punk Who Misplaced His Life for a Job

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat

I bought this book in 1998 the summer before I went to college at University of Connecticut. I was a Psychology major. My sister had mentioned the book, a Psych major as well, and I picked it up. The book descriptively tells the case stories of patients of Dr. Sacks with neurological disorders. The stories are told with a casual tone and don't require prior knowledge to understand the material. Some of the more notable stories were:

"The Disembodied Lady" A woman who couldn't move unless she visually saw the body part and "willed it to move." This particular story stuck with me many years as it said there was a causal relationship with individuals taking high quantities of vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine) which is one of the vitamins that you are told to take to lose weight. I was so sufficiently scared by this idea that I nearly had a panic attack if I ever even took something with B6.

"The Man Who Fell out of Bed" The patient was paralyzed on one side of his body and had a disconnect in his brain where he was unable to recognize the paralyzed limbs as his own. He would wake up in the middle of the night terribly upset because there was "a severed human leg" in the bed with him. Which was of course his own leg.

"The Lost Mariner" The study of person with no long term memory. His condition is called retrograde amnesia. His memory was based on his short term memory of 15-30 seconds and memories from twenty years ago. There is a description of a pretty jarring scene when the man who thinks he is nineteen years old looks into a mirror and sees a 41 year old man. His anguish and fear last only a few minutes though and he's forgotten the exchange has even taken place.

Why am I writing about a book I bought eight years ago?

I took my big sis to see the play "The Man Who" for her 30th birthday. "The Man Who" is based on "The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat." There were four actors on the stage at all times who would trade off roles playing either a patient or a doctor. Three out of the four actors were incredibly talented and were able to draw me into their new characters that they assumed in each of the seventeen scenes. If you are in the Boston area I'd suggest going to see it. If for nothing else it is something new and a conversation piece. I enjoyed the play perhaps more because I was familiar with the book and enjoyed the subject matter, but it wasn't too exclusive. The numerous scenes do a fine job of keeping your interest. The rest of the crowd seemed to have good feelings about it as well, though there was lot of people laughing at the odd behaviors of these stricken people. I found that really grating and more than a little inappropriate. Perhaps some people were expecting a comedy out of this. As far as I know, neurological diseases are not funny. I hate retards like that.

FUCK

I saw the movie "Fuck" tonight at the Independent Film Festival of Boston. It was a pretty solid movie. It is a documentary on the word "Fuck." It's not so much the origins that are discussed, as much as the controversy. It wasn't terrible nuanced, but very entertaining.


I was the perfect audience member for these reasons:
1) I am a profanity artisan. 2) It's an indie movie. 3) It's about free speech. 4) The late Hunter S. Thompson was in it. 5) One of my personal heroes, Lenny Bruce, was talked about in depth.

I understand that taboos are going to exist forever. People will be uncomfortable with a number of things that I say or you say. These are are individual ideas though. One man's "Fuck" is another man's "Goddamn." I use Fuck at least twenty times a day when ever I can, not because I'm illiterate or crass but because it's a word with like sixty homonyms. Those subtle shades are fun to pick out and use. My newest use since moving up to Boston is "fahking." It's my piss poor Boston accent impression. As in "Those fahkin' Sawx blew it again."

Right. I love the word. But you probably already knew that. The taboo idea got me thinking on the ride home from the theater though. I know I have personal taboo words that freak me out. I don't like to hear about terminal illnesses. Cancer, despite being my birth sign, freaks me out. I don't like to think about and hearing it will most likely force me to do so. So then, why does "Fuck" bother people? Perhaps they have sexual issues and bringing that up makes them feel uncomfortable. Do you have any taboo words that you don't like to hear besides the usual ones? If so please comment.

Drew Carey had a funny line in the movie, he was saying that there should be a movie called "Cunt." I can get behind that. Probably my second favorite "obscene" word. I don't particularly like to use it for the conventional female anatomy use. It's best used as a descriptive insult. What a cunt! Cunty Bastard. That cunt just cut me off. What a bunch a fahkin' cunts. I basically stole it from British/Scottish/Irish vernacular and adopted it for my own use. I just love the way it sounds especially in a nice dirty Scottish accent where it almost sounds like Coont, with extra emphasis on the "T." Cun-T.

So if you get a chance to see this movie, do so. Take your parents to see it. Especially if they are conservative. If they take issue to the word or some images in the movie (it's pretty graphic), then you a conversation point. I know I don't talk to my fuckin' parents enough.

Fuck, Cunt, Anal, Asshole, Shit, Balls, Dick, Pussy, Whore, Piss, Tits, Cocksucker.


By the by, I'm still fucking not smoking. And it still fucking sucks. Balls.

Smoke this!

I'm quitting smoking. Today is the first day of quitting smoking.

I have not had a cigarette in 22.5 hours. It seems pretty easy to quit. It's fuckin' not. My life seems to revolve around smoking. Everything in myself tells me I should go smoke. Sometimes it's just out of boredom or like a filler. I don't know what to do as a filler anymore. What do people do when they aren't smoking? Seriously? When you walk out of a restaurant with your belly all full, what do you do? Pick your teeth? Not smoke? What the motherfuck does that even mean. You always smoke after meals... it's like tradition or like um... wiping your ass after you shit. It has to be done, and Mama knows it don't feel right when you don't.

I'm taking Wellbutrin to help with the withdrawal. It seems to help a little I don't feel quite so angry, but I honestly don't know if it is doing anything in particular.

I think I can do this. Fuck it. I just have trouble believing how much nicotine has controlled my life.

"I'll just go have a cigarette."

That's what I think like every 15min.

I can't tell whether I feel shame because I haven't had a cig or because I'm thinking that I could.

It seems to me that it is easier to smoke than to not smoke, until I do smoke and then I cough and have to pay lots of money for cigarettes and always have to have cigarettes and "when's my next cigarette?" and "can I smoke here?" and "Where can I smoke?" and I'm just going to go outside for second... To smoke?... Yeah. .... Oh.... Shame and guilt.

None of this feels good. I wish fuckface non-smokers could understand what this is like. Fuck them. You know who I want quitting smoking tips from? NOT motherfucking non-smokers! Fuck 'em. Jerks.

"All you have to do is stop."

How about I tell you, you can't be pompous and holier than thou for never smoking ANY MORE. No more. You can't be a shitbird anymore. What? You don't want to? But I REALLY want you to. It's easy...... (hiss.)

Alright I'm gonna go play guitar hero.. helps me to forget. I think I'm getting a teensy bit too fired up. More on guitar hero once I beat the game on expert.







Playing on a plastic guitar that looks suitable for a three year old and nailing "More than a feeling" is almost as good as inhaling smoke.

Jesus Clause

This is hardly the correct season to be thinking about this sort of thing but...

If you raise your child as a Christian and celebrate Christmas in secular (Santa Claus) and religious ways, there has to be some impact from that deception. Once your child finds out or you tell them that Santa Claus doesn't exist, they will have been lied to for around seven or eight years. This belief in ol' St. Nick requires One to believe that Santa has supernatural powers that enable him to see when you do bad things. Not unlike God's omniscient quality. So when you tell a child that Santa can't do those things and the whole thing was a farce, why should they believe in the "God lie" you have been telling them about for just as long. Fool me once Mom and Dad, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Once you take Santa out of the picture Christmas seems to kind of lose it's appeal. I mean Jesus doesn't bring any presents! Oh sure eternal life.... blah blah blah. I want something tangible like a Playstation 3. Let's see the big man pull that one off, I could see myself going to church then. But I digress...

Not to say that I don't like the Santa thing, because I really do. I just think there has to be a period of real questioning for a child at that age. When you raise a child to believe in God you have to create an alternate reality in a sense. A so called "spiritual life." I asked a close family member if their political and religious views ever clash and the answer I got was that they are separate and they can be mutually exclusive. I don't buy that at all though. The spiritual life revolves around a specific creed, and anything contradictory would be wrong and suspect. Now, of course no one actually follows that belief with any sincerity as there is quite the blurring distinction between religion and politics right now and many views of the religious Right and certainly the atheistic Left belies the views of the church.

So then, if you invalidate Santa Clause and keep teaching a supernatural God, you should expect some problems with your children questioning authority and religion. My view is that we should keep Santa ditch Jesus, unless he starts doing that wine thing again, and start a new religion: Clausianity. The story goes: Santa was birthed by a reindeer by immaculate conception. In his teens he adopted a group of twelve midget disciples, called Elves, who help Santa carry out his mission of helping disadvantaged kids and spreading his message of "Be nice." That message alone is a good summation of the Ten commandments. Killing? Not nice. Adultery? Not nice. Taking peoples stuff... yes Not Nice. Santa has all his bases covered. He does magic. He is immortal, omniscient, and vengeful (coal in your stocking).

Coming soon to a house near you: Young sixteen year old kids dressed in red velour shirts and slacks trying to convert you and talk to you about the "good news."


Happy Easter.

Banging in

Sick Day: The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as "A paid day off allowed an employee because of sickness."

Banging in is one of the Boston slang terms that I had never heard of before moving up here. In Connecticut, One can call in, call out, call in sick, or play hookey. The difference is, that no one believes that you are sick when you bang in up here. It's an assumed extra day off where One might go to the beach or a Sox game. It is also standard procedure to not make a big show of your calling in. If you don't feel well just say "I'm not coming in today." Don't cough, sneeze, or moan while making the call to your Boss, this will only be used for fodder in the next few days when you get back to work. At least where I work, if you are too showy in your theatrical performance of "Sick Man." You will be called out and fellow workers will re-enact the full production of your phone call. Do yourself a favor, and give the scripted response and be done with it.

P.S. I banged in today.

New People

The obvious painstaking measures that we take to get out proper personalities across to people unknown makes me generally feel nauseated. I want to stop and tell the person "Hey listen. I'm gonna go through a grocery list of some of my notable likes and dislikes. When I'm done you tell me yours and we can compare and contrast to jump-start our relationship. We can be instant acquaintances." Beautiful. Moving on.